CKK #30 Results

Players: 1. John Daleiden, Phoenix, US; 2. Bouwe Brouwer, The Netherlands; 3. Neal Whitman, Pacific Grove, CA US; 4. Dan Iulian, Bucharest; 5. Keith A. Simmonds,T & T; 6. Tatjana Debeljacki , Serbia; 7.Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 8. John McDonald, Scotland; 9. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 10. Catherine J.S. Lee, USA; 11. Cara Holman, USA; 12. Stella Pierides, Germany; 13. Quentin Clingerman, USA; 14. Konrad Kusmirak, Poland; 15. Gheorghe Postelnicu, Romania; 16. Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands; 17. Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland; 18.Jacek Margolak, Poland; 19. Andronic Andra, Romania; 20. Rusu Alisia, Romania; 21. Ailoaei Cristina, Botosani City Romania; 22. Cezar-Florian Ciobîca, Romania;

(1. none of comments are from the kukai coordinator; 2. comments and votes of the players are anonymously stated)



FIRST PLACE #2

Christmas tree -
every year a little higher
her paper angel
--Bouwe
Votes:735*** Points:28
Comments:Interesting suggestion that the “paper angel” is being placed by a growing child year after year.



SECOND PLACE #6 AND #10

christmas tree
snow is melting
down the cheeks
--Tatjana Debeljacki
Votes:*23*** Points: 13
Comments


soup kitchen
ragged garland drapes
the Christmas tree
--Catherine J.S. Lee, USA
Votes:241*** Points:13
Comments



THIRD PLACE #22

Christmas tree -
the beggar hums a carol
over the manger
--Cezar F. Ciobîca
Votes:53**** Points:11
Comments: Interesting overtones—the “beggar” humming brings to mind the Biblical story of “wisemen” bearing gifts.




RESULTS CONTINUES

1
a Christmas tree
lights the homeless shelter—
sing ye noel
John Daleiden, Phoenix, Arizona in the Sonoran Des
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments


3
in the public park
the gathered counting down
Christmas Tree lit
--Neal Whitman
Votes:******Points: 00
Comments


4
First Christmas tree-
in the child's eyes
fairy tale ending
--Dan Iulian
Votes:*****1 Points: 06
Comments


5
new decorations
upon the old Christmas tree ...
children's eyes sparkling
--Keith A. Simmonds, T & T
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments


7
murky forest -
a not yet born
Christmas tree hiding
--Juhani Tikkanen
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments


8
smelling of pine -
carrying our Christmas tree
home through the snow
-- john
Votes:23**** Points: 08
Comments: i like this haiku, but i think it would be stronger without the words: through the snow


9
Moon and stars
in the Christmas tree
Divine light
--Vasile Moldovan, Romania
Votes:******Points: 00
Comments



11
Christmas sharing tree -
on every branch
another wish
--Cara Holman
Votes:42**** Points: 08
Comments: “sharing”; this haiku reminds us about the ancient Bible stories about “spreading the news”—sharing the news of Christ’s birth.


12
Christmas tree fairy -
a girl remembers
her mother
--Stella Pierides, DE
Votes:31**** Points: 05
Comments: Christmas is magical time—the fairy image and the association with mother remind us all of our elemental beginnings.


13
Christmas tree fragrance
Lingers after it is gone
Reminder of Christ
--Quentin Clingerman
Votes:*1**** Points: 02
Comments


14
The christmas tree
is lit up in the millions of souls.
The child is born
--Konrad Kusmirak - Poland
Votes:**1*** Points: 03
Comments


15
sharing much love
www dot
Gill's Christmas Tree
--STOPS
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments


16
Christmas tree lights
the stuffed reindeer
outstares an angel
--Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands
Votes:23**** Points: 08
Comments


17
biopsy results -
so beautiful in this year
my last christmas tree
--Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland
Votes:4***** Points: 04
Comments: The affirmative outlook in spite of bad news is a dynamic statement.


18
new ornament
on the Christmas tree
a morning star
--Jacek Margolak, POLAND
Votes:41**** Points: 06
Comments: The “morning star” is a very positive image.


19
Christmas tree -
by candlelight
the memories
--Andronic Andra, Romania
Votes:11**** Points: 03
Comments


20
Carols-
an old woman crying near
the Christmas tree
--Rusu Alisia, Romania
Votes:41**** Points: 06
Comments


21
under the Christmas tree -
for a moment I'm seeing
my mother again
-- Cristina Ailoaei, Romania
Votes:21**** Points: 04
Comments: In line 2 “seeing” could be changed to “see” making the experience directly in the present tense.



23 LATE SUBMISSION
father handing out
presents by the Christmas tree --
our dog's impatient, too
--Tomislav Maretic (Croatia)



HAPPY HOLIDAYS; see you back here next year


much love
gillena cox
Caribbean Kigo Kukai - Founder/Co-ordinator

CKK #30

Dear haiku friends you are invited to participate in The Caribbean Kigo Thirtieth Kukai

The kigo is Christmas tree

Send one haiku which includes Christmas tree e-mail to

Example:-


darkness comes early
store window Christmas tree lights
November evenings
--gillena cox


Deadline for sending entries is November 10th 2011
Deadline for sending votes is November 20th 2011

A voting list will be e-mailed to all players

Voting: Votes to be scored using a total of 6pts
Example:-
Haiku#76………3pts
Haiku#34………2pts
Haiku#8………1pt

Comments during voting are encouraged but must be limited to 3 lines; when published these comments and votes will be given anonymous listings.

Ballots: (votes and comments) to be sent to e-mail to
The results will be published here at Caribbean Kigo Kukai

After results have been posted, any comments you wish to make can be posted directly here at the blog just click on comments at the end of the post

This ends 2011's kukai ; The next will be January 2012; HAPPY HOLIDAYS

much love
gillena

CKK #29 Results

Players: 1. Sakuo Nakamura, Japan; 2. Chitra Rajappa, Bangladore India; 3. Cara Holman, USA; 4. Warren Gossett, USA; 5. Quentin Clingerman, USA; 6. Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands; 7. Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu, Romania 8. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 9. Dan Iulian, Bucharest; 10. Flory Brick, Daytona Beach, Florida; 11. Conrad Kusmirak, Poland; 12. Keith A. Simmonds,T & T; 13. Alegria Imperial; Canada; 14. Gheorghe Postelnicu, Romania; 15. Bouwe Brouwer, The Netherlands; 16. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 17. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 18. Tomislav Maretic, Croatia; 19. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 20. Magdalena Dale, Romania; 21. Irena Szewczyk, Poland; 22. Franklin Magalhães, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; 23. Krzysztof Kokot, Poland; 24. Ailoaei Cristina, Botosani City Romania; 25. Cezar-Florian Ciobîca, Romania;

(1. none of comments are from the kukai coordinator; 2. comments and votes of the players are anonymously stated)




FIRST PLACE

17
morning cleaning -
the bamboo shadows
sweep the stairs
----Jacek Margolak; POLAND
Votes:741*** Points: 18
Comments



SECOND PLACE

4
late autumn breeze –
the old man mends the split
in his bamboo flute
--Warren
Votes:831*** Points: 17
Comments



THIRD PLACE

25
childhood home -
in my father's bamboo pipe
a firefly
--Cezar F. Ciobîca
Votes:531*** Points: 14
Comments



RESULTS CONTINUES


1
bamboo sway--
someone visiting
at my back yard
--Sakuo
Votes:22**** Points: 06
Comments



2
sunbeams bounce off
blue-green bamboo:
mosaic of light and shadow
--Chitra
Votes:3*1*** Points: 06
Comments



3
catching the sky...
the bamboo pipe fills
with rainwater
--Cara Holman
Votes:211*** Points: 07
Comments:A very visual haiku - perhaps it's because I like rain, but I can see and feel this one - as well as hear it!



5
Grows a bamboo stand
In suburban Gaithersburg
An unusual spot
--Quentin
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



6
bamboo blinds
sunbeams
play peeping Tom
--Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands
Votes:4***** Points: 04
Comments



7
bamboo flowers -
the old maid wears again
lace gloves
--Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu
Votes:3*1*** Points: 06
Comments



8
New Year Eve-
even in the earth hut
bamboo branches
--Vasile Moldovan, Romania
Votes:2***** Points: 02
Comments




9
Bamboo grove-
the baby panda plays
with his shadow.
--Dan Iulian
Votes:53**** Points: 11
Comments



10.
Graceful, bamboo
small footprint
delicate, resistant
--Flory



11
Bamboo grove
in the ruins of the castle Yamada -
ancestors whisper
--Conrad Kusmirak - Poland
Votes:3*1*** Points: 06
Comments




12
bamboo trees
swaying in the wind ...
distant thunder
--Keith A. Simmonds
Votes:8*1*** Points: 11
Comments



13
bamboo grove
the autumn sky
mere strips
--Alegria
Votes:*11*** Points: 03
Comments



14
bamboo defying the wind -
back pushed judoka's yielding
and suddenly wins
STOPS
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



15
downpour -
ants running up
the bamboo
--Bouwe
Votes:62**** Points: 10
Comments



16
assessment center
so difficult to remember
the bamboo flute
--Ralf
Votes:3***** Points: 03
Comments



18
rainy days...
morning glories reach
the top of te bamboo
--Tomislav Maretic (Croatia)
Votes:3***** Points: 03
Comments




19
conserved
bamboo shoots -
a withering jungle
--Juhani Tikkanen
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



20
A new shoot
on the old bamboo
changing colours
--Magdalena Dale - Romania
Votes:21**** Points: 04
Comments



21
a silky cloud
pierced by the bamboo shoot—
cotton candy
--Irena Szewczyk, PL
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



22
End of vacation -
from the crest of the hill
bamboo grove farewell
--Franklin Magalhães - Rio de Janeiro



23
return from fishing-
the sound of bamboo pipe
at sunset
--KRZYSZTOF KOKOT pl
Votes:42**** Points: 08
Comments



24
shattered dreams -
finding my peace of mind
amongst bamboo
-- Ailoaei Cristina
Votes:2*1*** Points: 05
Comments


LATE SUBMISSION
26
autumn day -
at grandfather's grave
bamboo flowered
--alex serban, romania

CKK #29

Dear haiku friends you are invited to participate in The Caribbean Kigo Twenty Ninth Kukai

The kigo is bamboo

Send one haiku which includes the word bamboo e-mail to


Example:-
bamboo yields
in skilled hands to hold -
divali lights
--gillena cox


Deadline for sending entries is October 10th 2011
Deadline for sending votes is October 20th 2011

A voting list will be e-mailed to all players

Voting: Votes to be scored using a total of 6pts
Example:-
Haiku#76………3pts
Haiku#34………2pts
Haiku#8………1pt

Comments during voting are encouraged but must be limited to 3 lines; when published these comments and votes will be given anonymous listings.

Ballots: (votes and comments) to be sent to e-mail to
The results will be published here at Caribbean Kigo Kukai

After results have been posted, any comments you wish to make can be posted directly here at the blog just click on comments at the end of the post

much love
gillena

CKK #28 Results

Caribbean Kigo #28 Kukai Results
(1. none of comments are from the kukai coordinator,this also applies to kukai #28 and previous; 2. comments and votes of the players are anonymously stated)


Players: 1. Cara Holman, USA; 2. Tatjana Debeljacki , Serbia; 3. Gheorghe Postelnicu, Romania; 4. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 5. Sakuo Nakamura, Japan; 6. Patrick Druart; 7. Johnny Baranski, Vancouver, Washington USA; 8. John Daleiden, Phoenix, US; 9. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 10. Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands; 11. John McDonald, Scotland; 12. Alex Serban, 13. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 14. Irena Szewczyk Poland; 15. Bouwe Brouwer, The Netherlands; 16. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 17. Keith A. Simmonds,T & T; 18. Tomislav Maretic, Croatia; 19. Dan Iulian, Bucharest; 20. Alegria Imperial; Canada; 21. Simone K. Busch, Germany; 22. Sanjukta Asopa, Karnataka, India; 23. Quentin Clingerman, USA; 24. Magdalena Dale, Romania; 25. Ailoaei Cristina, Botosani City Romania; 26. Diane Mayr, Salem, NH USA; 27. Franklin Magalhães, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; 28. Cezar-Florian Ciobîca, Romania.


FIRST PLACE

24
The tempest…
white fallen plum petals
in the mud
--Magdalena Dale - Romania
Votes:442*** Points: 18
Comments



SECOND PLACE

10
mud mask
the cracks on her face
when he makes her laugh
--Marleen Hulst, The Netherlands
Votes:541*** Points: 16
Comments: The humor of this scene works well. The mystery of who “he” and “she” are contributes to the humor.



THIRD PLACE

18
travelling carnival -
only a muddy meadow
left behind
--Tomislav Maretic (Croatia)
Votes:512*** Points: 13
Comments


28
dried mud in the pond -
the splash of Basho's frog
only in my mind
-- Cezar F. Ciobîca
Votes:123*** Points: 13
Comments




RESULTS CONTINUES

1
all-day rain...
indistinct footprints
in the mud
--Cara Holman
Votes:41**** Points: 06
Comments:The mystery of what / who makes the footprints in the mud is intriguing; nicely done.



2
the black pond
the white mud the red river
the upper knoll
--Tatjaa Debeljacki
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments



3
muddy spring -
one snowman's black eye down
between snowdrops
STOPS
Votes:2***** Points: 02
Comments



4
muddy path
a unusual sound
of her steps
--Jacek Margolak, POLAND
Votes:51**** Points: 07
Comments



5
Prime Minister stated
work for the people
like a loach in mud
--Sakuo, Japan
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



6
post thunderstorm
some nuggets of blue sky
in the pig mud bath
-- patrick
Votes:32**** Points: 07
Comments



7
always welcome
at the hilltop shrine
my muddy feet
Johnny Baranski, Vancouver, Washington USA
Votes:42**** Points: 08
Comments



8
huricane Irene--
raging floods bury our house
in Vermont mud
John Daleiden, Phoenix, US
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments



9
stone mill-
the muddy waters become
pure gold
--Vasile Moldovan, ROMANIA
Votes:*11*** Points: 05
Comments



11
racing to school -
their footprints
left in the mud
--John McDonald
Votes:52**** Points: 09
Comments:Are they racing because it is raining? Or are they being chased? Perhaps they are eager to get to school! Nicely written--encourages speculation.



12
autumn rain--
kneeling in the mud I look
for your lost ring
--alex serban
Votes:21**** Points: 04
Comments: Interesting: while the kneeling is necessary to conduct the search, it also suggests a proposal.



13
supper-time
under the mud
a big grin
--Ralf Bröker, Germany
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments:This ku suggests a common home like setting--supper is being served, probably by the wife, and a child or possibly a husband is eager to eat. Nice suggestions.




14
mud therapy--
relax at my home spa
a peaceful weekend
--Irena Szewczyk PL
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments



15
spring breeze -
the eagle's claws
mud-flecked
--Bouwe
Votes:43**** Points: 10
Comments



16
yellowed leaves
onto a gray mud field -
an unemployed scarecrow
Juhani Tikkanen
Votes:3***** Points: 03
Comments



17
revellers' bodies
decorated with mud ...
carnival Monday
Keith A. Simmonds,T & T
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments



19
Ancient dry mud-
on the fossilized leaf
an ant moves.
--Dan Iulian
Votes:321*** Points: 10
Comments



20
caked mud
clinging to my heels--
summer memories
--Alegria Imperial
Votes:33**** Points: 12
Comments: 255 = 12, Is this person a farmer, a labor worker, or a hiker--nice ambiguities that allow the reader to speculate.



21
kid's laughter
leaving my boots
in the mud
--Simone K. Busch
Votes:52**** Points: 09
Comments :A collective picture.



22
mud pack -
the moon takes a dip
in the village pond
--sanjuktaa,karnataka, India
Votes:1***** Points: 01
Comments :



23
Mud is in the eye
Careless driver on the road
Walking in the rain
--Quentin Clingerman
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments



25
whimpering girl -
her puppet lost on
the muddy path
-- Ailoaei Cristina
Votes:2***** Points: 02
Comments



26
sow in the mud
the children's chorus
of "eew"
--Diane Mayr, Salem, NH USA
Votes:1*1*** Points: 04
Comments



27
Overnight flood.
Homes and lives
lost in the mud.
--Franklin Magalhães - Rio de Janeiro
Votes:*****1 Points: 06
Comments

CKK #28 Details

image from...


Dear haiku friends you are invited to participate in The Caribbean Kigo Twenty Eight Kukai


The kigo is mud

Send one haiku which includes the word mud e-mail to

Example:-

muddy tracks ~
bare feet and bison hoofs
a village path
--gillena cox

Deadline for sending entries is September10th 2011
Deadline for sending votes is September 20th 2011

A voting list will be e-mailed to all players

Voting: Votes to be scored using a total of 6pts
Example:-
Haiku#76………3pts
Haiku#34………2pts
Haiku#8………1pt

Comments during voting are encouraged but must be limited to 3 lines; when published these comments and votes will be given anonymous listings.

Ballots: (votes and comments) to be sent to e-mail to

The results will be published here at Caribbean Kigo Kukai
After results have been posted, any comments you wish to make can be posted directly here at the blog just click on comments at the end of the post

much love
gillena

CKK #27 Results

Caribbean Kigo #27 Results
(comments and votes of the players are anonymously stated)


Players: 1. Tatjana Debeljacki , Serbia; 2. John McDonald, Scotland; 3. Dan Iulian, Bucharest, 4. Patrick Druart; 5. Bill Kenney, USA; 6. Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu, Romania 7. Patricia Lidia, Romania; 8. Marleen Hulst; The
Netherlands; 9. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 10. Bouwe Brouwer, The Netherlands; 11. Irena Szewczyk, Poland; 12. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 13. Krzysztof Kokot PL; 14. Ramona Linke, Germany 15. Michael Andrew OBrien, USA; 16. Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine USA; 17. Richard Hill; Saitama, Japan; 18. Ailoaei Cristina, Botosani City Romania; 19. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 20. Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland; 21. Cezar-Florian Ciobîca, Romania; 22. Franklin Magalhães, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil



FIRST PLACE

2
footprints in the sand
her toes digging deeper
where he kissed her
--John McDonald
Votes:414**1 Points: 26
Comment:1 gorgeous celebration of romantic love.
Comment:2 Describing the kiss with this little detail of it is very compelling. Implying her standing tippy toe to reach up to kiss and also of them looking back at their footprints to see the spot where they stopped to kiss. Very nice.



SECOND PLACE

19
evening beach
the tide washes away
his declaration of love
--Jacek Margolak POLAND
Votes:541*** Points: 17
Comment 1: It's sweet. Instead of characterizing what was washed away what about describing it, like 'our initials' then maybe something more suggestive in line 1.
Comment 2: Nice word play with 'hot' for both heat and for passion.



THIRD PLACE

5
moving in
to my sand castle
the sea
--BILL KENNEY
Votes:431*** Points: 13
Comments: Metaphors that can also be taken literally I think work well in haiku.



RESULTS CONTINUE



1
summer wind
carries away your
footprints in the sand
--Tatjana Debeljacki
Votes:121*** Points: 08
Comments: Nice metaphor. Instead of stating or explaining a metaphor maybe it would be more effective to implying the relationship, like... gull cries - on the summer wind - footprints in the sand.


3
Steps on the wet sand-
I still listen their rustling
in the shell from home.
-- Dan Iulian
Votes:*1**** Points: 2
Comments:I like the idea of reliving a visit to the shore by listening to the 'ocean' in the shell. I wonder about implying the listening to the shell instead of telling us, like... conch shell memento - in the surf's roar I still hear - our steps on wet sand.


4
Soft trickle of sand
from my fingers to her bossoms -
hot august day
--patrick druart
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comments: Nice word play with 'hot' for both heat and for passion.



6
drizzling on sand -
grandma's umbrella traces
small and shallow
--Cristina-Monica Moldoveanu, Romania
Votes:1*1*** Points: 4
Comments: I was lost for a while by "traces small and shallow" but now I think it means it traces a tightly overlapping circular spiral in the sand like the child's tracing toy, the spiral graph (a favorite of mine when I was a kid but I kept losing
those little tracing wheels:). Maybe it was just me but it was hard for me to get my head around this phrasing although a really interesting way to describe the gate of her walk.


7
sand, billows,
foam, shells and seagulls –
I am not nowhere...
--Patricia Lidia
Votes:****** Points:00
Comments: Ok, I'm not sure what the author's intention was but here's my interp of the haiku. A list of words in haiku tend to lose their meaning and so described to me here in lines 1 and 2 as some generic boring isolated shoreline but then line 3 contrasting this seemed like a revelation that it is in fact a beautiful and significant place which I thought worked very well. Also I normally shy away from abstract statements like in line 3 but I like the double negative and think the line achieves such a nice shift and insight that I like it the way it is.


8
beach restaurant
little piles of sand
underneath each table
--Marleen Hulst; The Netherlands
Votes:12**** Points: 05
Comments: An amusing image I had of piles from sand being emptied from shoes or just tracked in from the beach. This may just be my personal preference but to provide a little more shift from the call and response images, the fragment and the line, I was thinking of having the fragment at the end, of moving line 1 down to line 3 instead.



9
son's room
just a bit of sand
tells his day
--Ralf
Votes:3***** Points: 03
Comments: I like how this touches on what parents notice and how they can deduce so much about their children. Line 3 I wonder about using an implied meaning instead of telling us, like... her son's room - just a bit of beach sand - makes her smile.


10
full moon -
thousands of footsteps
in the beach sand
--Bouwe
Votes:13**** Points: 07
Comments: Nice image of the beach at night after everyone has left and before the wind and surf can wipe away all the footprints, like the lights were turned on revealing the night life:).


11
sand on sunny beach
dream at work on rainy day
this year vacation
-- Irena Szewczyk PL
Votes:****** Points: 00
Comment 2: Sounds like a good vacation:) I wanted to read it with more of a revelation from the vacation to the daydreaming, maybe imply the daydreaming instead, like...beach vacation - watching the sail boats go by - on line from my work


12
Mighty mountains -
now this soft sand whispering
in the quiet beach
--Juhani Tikkanen
Votes:**1*** Points: 03
Comment 1: The first one now will later be last! wisdom,pathos,delicacy
Comment 2: Nice linking the mountains to the beach sand. I think the contrast of "mighty" and "soft" achieve the link and that "now" gives too much away. "Whispering" and line 3 are very poetic but I wonder about a more haikuesque
reference instead.


13
crumpled ticket-
on bottom of the suitcase
grain of sand
--Krzysztof Kokot PL
Votes:23**** Points: 08
Comments: Nice images. I don't travel a lot so I wasn't sure what crumpling the ticket meant but I like the image, I assume that you had returned from a trip from the beach and had sand on the suitcase. I wonder about tweaking the phrasing a little, like.., crumpled ticket - little piles of beach sand - where the suitcase sat.


14
beach at night –
through the rooms of our sand castle
flits moonlight
--Ramona Linke, Germany
Votes:3***** Points: 03
Comments: Cool image, I like that the metaphor 'could' be taken literally but it's described more poetically and feels a little more imaginary or surreal than for haiku. Maybe more like... we talk into the night - the moonlit balcony - of our
sandcastle


15
dusk -
coated in sand
the mackerel’s last thrust
--Michael Andrew
Votes:21**** Points: 05
Comment: Nice first line with the end of the day juxtaposed to the end of the fish's life. Also the inclusion of the sand coating added a compelling visual detail which also explained the reason for it dying and where. I like that the death was described and not just stated.


16
summer's end
a wave knocks our last castle
back to sand
--Catherine J.S. Lee
Votes:31**** Points: 05
Comments: Nice. I like the thought that the sand is a castle when it's castle shaped and back to just sand when a pile. I want to read line one so I realize it's about the end of summer and not have to be told it. Like instead what about just
giving a late summer month like 'September' or even 'early fall' or 'Indian Summer'.


17
Precious memories
seep through our fingers – all lost
in the sands of time
--Richard Hill; Saitama, Japan
Votes:*1**** Points: 02
Comments: Very poetic and a classic metaphor. I wonder about using more concrete images and instead implying the metaphor.


18
deserted beach -
through the castle of sand
only the heat
-- Ailoaei CristinaBotosani City, Romanian
Votes:11**** Points: 03
Comments: I like the idea of there only being heat in the castle and no longer children's imaginations. I wonder for line 1 something that would describe an empty beach instead of stating it as one, like 'just the sound of gulls' or something.


20
sunset over the sea -
in her hair, his fingers
and sand
--Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland
Votes:13**** Points: 07
Comments: Interesting, although the structure is fragment line I read it as line fragment with the shift in line 3 find also sand in the hair, an nice detail and seemingly out of place.


21
thunders -
the castles of sand
fall into ruin
--Cezar-Florin Ciobîca
Votes:321*** Points: 10
Comments: Poetic. It feels a little too metaphoric and imaginary. I want to read it more


22
Back from the beach.
Sand on the hem
and good memories.
-- Franklin Magalhães; Rio de Janeiro
Votes:2***** Points: 02
Comments: I like the hem reference, I might have said cuff instead. Line 3 I want to read something more concrete and not categorized like, 'and still smiling'



Received After Voting Had Started

23
summer's end
sand clinging to the soles
of my sandals
--Cara Holman