Caribbean Kigo #13 Kukai Results
Players: 1. John McDonald, Scotland; 2. Jacek Margolak; Poland; 3. Quentin Clingerman,MD, USA; 4. Ralf Bröker, Germany; 5. Ian Tuttle, San Francisco,California,U.S.A.; 6. Michelle Angelini, US; 7. Cara Holman, USA; 8 Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 9. Nakamura Sakuon, Japan; 10. Catherine J.S. Lee, USA; 11. Keith A. Simmonds, T & T; 12. Tomislav Maretic, Croatia; 13. Reason A. Poteet, USA, IN; 14. Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland; 15. Bill Kenney, USA; 16. Mary Davila, USA; 17. Tatjana Debeljacki, Serbia.
#7 FIRST PLACE
strains of Mendelssohn
the groom fiddles
with his carnation
--Cara Holman, USA
Votes:215*** Points: 19
Comments: A nice clear picture of a very special occasion - evokes paradox of the
nervousness and happiness of the groom.
#2 SECOND PLACE
the scent of carnations
from a nearby garden—
evening rain
--Jacek Margolak; POLAND
Votes:323*** Points: 16
Comments:
#12 THIRD PLACE
toliko suprotnih// so many
osjecaja – samo// contrary feelings –
jedan karanfil // just a carnation
--Tomislav Maretic
Note: Yugoslavia the red carnations were worn on May 1, as a symbol of labor movements, but in the same time this flower was for us there the symbol of the bloody communist dictatorship (sometimes hypocritically called „socialism with a human face“). Thanks God, we can now look at the carnation as a flower free of any ideologisation...and... it is really wonderful !
Votes:232*** Points: 14
Comments: 1. A poem about why the poem can't be written; unusual, to say the least.
2.This haiku is one of my favorites, not only for the translation, but for the depth of emotion in the words. What language is it?
RESULTS CONTINUES
1
next to
the red carnation
the old cat yawning
--john McDonald
Votes:3*1*** Points:6
Comments:1.Snapshot-like; a good catch
2. L3 "an old cat yawning" ?
3
May 1 is May Day
Flag waves in the breeze
Carnations in vase
--Quentin Clingerman, MD, USA
Votes:*1**** Points: 2
Comments:
4
graduation ball
the carnations I bought
roses now
--Ralf Bröker, Germany
Votes:2***** Points: 2
Comments:Shows a nice transition from a school graduation to life's graduations of love and togetherness
5
She folds and refolds the highway map
In her daydreams
Carnations
---Ian Tuttle
Votes:11**** Points:3
Comments:
6
crimson carnations
bees pollinate budding blooms
cinnamon scented
--Michelle Angelini
Votes:**1*** Points: 3
Comments:
8
when younger
this carnation
was a green one
--Tikkis
Votes:1***** Points: 1
Comments:The double meaning of this haiku is deceptively simple, yet in these 7 words are not only the meaning of the growth of the flower, but also the growth of the person holding it
9
finding love
in your black eyes
carnation
--sakuo.
Votes:12**** Points:5
Comments: A beautiful photo of a moment, but one or two more words might have connected the carnation to the love seen, yet I can see the black eyes shining with unshed tears
10
childhood carnation
of tissue and pipecleaner . . .
mother’s keepsake box
--Catherine J.S. Lee, USA
Votes:4*1*** Points: 7
Comments: Didn't every child have one of these, no matter what they held or what they were made of?
11
red carnations glow
in the patient's room ...
a broken vase
--Keith A. SIMMONDS; T & T
Votes:2***** Points: 2
Comments: Nice analogy comparing the patient to the broken vase. Much deeper meaning
here than on the surface; one just needs to be aware of it.
13
pink carnation
the crayon he picks
to make Mom's card
--Reason A. Poteet, USA, IN
Votes:52**** Points: 9
Comments: 1. There's nothing wrong with simplicity
2. The memories this haiku brings back are bittersweet. It's almost like saying, "I remember and would like to go back to that time...."
14
florist -
she gives the traveller
a glass of water and carnation
--Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland
Votes:11**** Points: 3
Comments:This haiku is a mini-moment of "stranger on the train" friendship, an unexpected lift in the midst of weariness. No words are needed, the actions say it all.
15
rainy Monday–
but the red carnation
in an old man's buttonhole
--BILL KENNEY
Votes:41**** Points:6
Comments:1. I did like this, but how about this: " rainy Monday / in an old man's buttonhole / a red carnation" ?
2. A dreary day plus the weariness of age is brightened by the centered image of
something colorful and beautiful. Nice image.
16
the depressed petals
of a paper carnation –
shock therapy
--Mary Davila
Votes:*3**** Points:6
Comments:
17
Is reflecting
The carnation flovers
In the red field.
--Tatjana Debeljacki
Votes:****** Points: 0
Comments:
quick link to past winners way back to kukai #1
Seventeen writers contested in kukai #13. Thanks to all of you for making this a success.
ReplyDeleteTomislav, our third placer; sent a note with his haiku.
Notes are added to the results listing; but they are not added to the list that is sent to players for their votes and comments during the kukai.
Your afterwords, that is, those statements you wish to make, now that the results have been
posted, are very welcome; and can be added directly to the blog as comments.
For this our thirteenth kukai, all the ballots were received early and within the deadline date; this is the first time this has happened (¯`·.¸bravO kukai 13¸.·´¯) and therefore the commentary is posted early.
COMMENTARY
Felix Mendelssohn is regarded by classical music aficionados and critics alike, as one of
the most prolific and gifted composers the world has ever known. Even those who could
not name any of his works have heard it, as his "Wedding March" from "A Midsummer Night's Dream", which has accompanied many a bride down the aisle...
The writer takes us to a setting with the use of a musical introduction. " strains of
Mendelssohn" she writes, then pivots on the musicality of the setting, the "groom fiddles";
Cara has carefully choosen her words to present to us this special scenario, to capture for us this instant of a bridegroom's quirky. Who is not nervous at a wedding? who is not swept up in the tensions of getting it right for this big day? all of the preparation gone before in trying to perfect this day is resonated in his action, and all the hope of a new future life intimated. The bridegroom in Cara's episode is all of normal, human and real, nervous tension and all.
This haiku, is lively, and too, full of life; its present, its prospects, and all the concomitant questions of the future
A musical prelude prepares us for this haiku's drama, then she carefully reels us in with the
introduction of the second schema the bridegroom, and as the plot thickens, the long
awaited appearance of our kigo 'carnation'
There is rhythm, there is motion, there is beauty, there is emotion, there is projection
encapsuled in Cara's 5-5-5 schema to present to us a super winning haiku
strains of Mendelssohn
the groom fiddles
with his carnation
--Cara Holman, USA
Well Done Cara; we look forward to seeing more of your runaway wining ku's
much love
gillena cox; CKK coodinator
I'm delighted! Thank you so much for your lovely commentary, Gillena. I learned a very important lesson in this Kukai; namely, after I write a haiku, to let it gel for a few days. I had the idea immediately, but somehow the words didn't quite click. Initially "the groom" was simply "he", and I had him "fidget" instead of "fiddle" with a "red carnation". By looking at the haiku with new eyes over a number of days, I was eventually able to tweak it to where I wanted it. Lesson learned.
ReplyDeleteI am enjoying this Kukai so much. It is a pleasure to see so many different takes on the same kigo, and I am learning how every single word counts in a haiku.
Cara
Gillena san,
ReplyDeletethank you for your dedication to the precious Kukai meeting.
I wish to evaluate your endeavor for haiku culture,
from Tokyo.
arigatou!
sakuo.