Saturday, April 24, 2010

CKK #12 Results

Caribbean Kigo #12 Kukai Results

Players: 1. William Kenny, USA; 2. Ramona Linke, Germany; 3. John McDonald, Scotland; 4. Vasile Moldovan, Romania; 5. Sakuon Nakamura, Japan; 6. Quentin Clingerman, USA; 7. Keith A. Simmonds, TT; 8. Jacek Margolak, Poland; 9. Krzysztof Kokot; Poland;; 10. Juhani Tikkanen, Finland; 11. Cara Holman, USA; 12. Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland; 13. John Daleiden; Avondale, AZ, USA; 14. Mary Davila, USA; 15. Catherine J.S. Lee, Maine; 16.Rafal Zabratynski, Poland; 17. Tatjana Debeljacki, Serbia

windy beach
a small boy struggles
with the dragon kite
--Rafal Zabratynski
Votes:451*** Points:17
Comments:1.I smiled at the image of a small boy struggling with perhaps a very large kite, trying to get it aloft.
2. Cute metaphor suggesting it's the dragon he battles and not the wind.

kite-flying -
father holds his son's
--john McDonald
Votes:612*** Points: 14
Comments:I like it not just because of the humor implied that the kite might fly away with his son but the grain of truth that on a windy day and for a young enough child that you might have to sturdy them from being pull off balance and to reassure the child. Since the word coat-tail reminds me of the expression of gaining success on others achievements I wonder if it was chosen here saying that the father was vicariously flying the kite as well.


windy day
the rainbow of kites
on a cloudless sky
--Jacek Margolak; POLAND
Votes:241*** Points:13
Comments:Nice metaphor and irony with cloudless sky. I'm not sure you need line 1.


spring regatta –
a white kite catches
the salt breeze
--Catherine J.S. Lee
Votes:431*** Points:13
Comments:1.Very vivid-- I like the way so much is implied in so few words. I imagine a sparkling breezy day, and the white of the regatta sails.
2.Nicely done, I enjoyed the association of kiting with sailing.


kites in the wind
children run along the beach
waving their arms
Votes:21**** Points: 4
Comments:This reminded me of the feeling of flight when holding the kite string and I like that it was only implied in lines 2 and 3.

seaside hotel …
kites weave a gaudy pattern
into my evening sky
--Ramona Linke, Germany
Votes:21**** Points:4
Comments:"Gaudy" has a negative connotation for me like the excessive bulb and neon light displays of Las Vegas so I don't understand the comparison to kites. I was also confused about flying and being able to see kites at night. Are they spotlit on seashores?

Airy  accident-
a kite's tail catches
at a straw
--Vasile Moldovan, ROMANIA
Votes:2***** Points:2
Comments:I like this. I was confused by use of the word straw, isn't straw grain/hay that has already been threshed then bundled or bailed or laid for bedding? Maybe something like 'skims the hay field'? I wonder for line 1 something else that wouldn't give it away and more concrete.

I'll kite
to win violence
of human nature
Votes:1***** Points:1
Comments:A bit abstract. I don't understand the word choice 'violence'.

Kite high in the sky
Tail wind made it soar so high
Long time descending
--Quentin Clingerman; USA
Votes:****** Points:00
Comments:I want to read it with more description and less narration and perhaps with an implied meaning or message. The repeat of the word high seems only to satisfy they 5-7-5 syllable count and not contribute to the message

father and son
reeling the sunset in
with their mad bull kite
--Keith A. Simmonds; T & T
Votes:1*1*** Points: 4
Comments:I like the metaphors. I wonder if instead to imply them.

gusty desert wind -
little Afghan is strugging
with colour kite
Votes:**1*** Points: 3
Comments:I don't understand the reason for pointing out the child's nationality. Perhaps if the kite colors were that of a flag? In strugging I think your missing the L for struggling.

I'm feeling cold --
how do you manage,
my kite, up there?
Votes:2***** Points:2
Comments:1. I found this charming, the way the writer anthropomorphizes the kite.
2.I like it. I was initially confused by the phrasing, unsure who you were asking the question to, God, the wind, the sun, etc. but now I understand it's to the kite its self. I wonder about rephrasing like... shivering - little kite - how do you manage?

kite tails tease the waves
the spray of surf
upon her face
--Cara Holman, USA
Votes:21**** Points: 4
Comments:Nice metaphor. I also enjoyed the iambic rhythm in lines 2 and 3.

brisk morning -
eagle-shaped kite
over the rainbow
--Andrzej Dembonczyk, Silesia, Poland
Votes:11**** Points:3
Comments:Nice metaphor. Not sure what Line 1 adds. I want to read a little more to the message.

a rose red kite
among the April clouds
my billet deux
--John Daleiden, Avondale, AZ
Votes:1****1 Points:7
Comments:I had to look it up, billet deux is a love letter, right? A charming juxtaposition of this romantic description and a love letter.

another kite dragged
through the dying winds . . .
second hand smoke
--Mary Davila
Votes:*1**** Points: 2
Comments:I read juxtaposition of a drooping kite and second hand cigarette smoke which is exposure to non-smokers implying children. With such a strong message I wonder about it expressed even less direct, instead of dying winds describe the kites difficulty, instead of second hand smoke describe it order or appearance

What is that dad
The little boy is curious
A kite made of paper.
--Tatjana Debeljacki
Votes:1***** Points: 1
Comments:I want to read it with more showing and less telling and with some connotation or message.

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This poem was received too late to be listed for votes

stormy day
the flying line ends in
mother's comfort
--Ralf Bröker,Germany

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  1. 17 writers took part in this kukai #12, however only 15 of the seventeen players sent in a ballot; Ralf Bröker who has been experiencing technical difficulties; sent his poem to my yahoo mail box, but it was picked up too late for the list; he was however, asked to send a ballot and willing did so. Michael Baribeau one of our CKK asterisk players was invited to submit a ballot making the number of ballots only 16 this time. Special thank you to Michael.

    Here is Ralf's poem again

    stormy day
    the flying line ends in
    mother's comfort
    --Ralf Bröker,Germany

    Please add your comments directly, here at the blog

    Much love

  2. Thanks Gillena and all haiku-poets! I translated just a couple of those in my Finnish blog:

    The title means something like: The anarchy of syllables in translating haiku---

  3. Nice of you to do this translation; Juhani

    much love


    windy beach
    a small boy struggles
    with the dragon kite
    --Rafal Zabratynski

    'Struggles' the disiciple of overcoming, the guru of achievement. We all have, i think, at some time taken on a project which seems to be at the time, someting bigger than ourselves, testing our limits against the odds.
    The opening line sets the stage for struggle which resonates so well in Line 2; even before the kigo is introduced, we know this is no simple kite, its a kite to test a boy's openess to bigger things, its a progress venture, an adventure; much like writing our first haiku within a sea of jutaxpositions, credibilities, AHAs, syllables, kires and all the other turbulences; but our eagerness and willingness takes up through wave by wave.
    This is certainly a tug at the heart kite ku. with the use of the qualifing term 'small' not just a boy; but a small boy; the writer takes us into the scene and we stand riveted, watching, we want to see the outcome; does the kite eventually become air borne; this is a nice way to whet the appetite, to tease the reader. Who wins this struggle, dragon or boy? which ever; Rafal is certainly our winner this time around; Well Done Rafal; we look forward to more of your intriguing haiku

    much love
    gillena cox; Kukai coodinator